I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
