So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
