my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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