By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
