We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
