Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
