the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
