he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
