Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
