After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
