I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
