Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
