All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
