I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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