I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
