The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
