This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
