i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
