You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
