New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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