I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
