new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
