fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
