So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
