They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
