Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
