and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
