I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
