I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
