Non-Jews are for practice
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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