There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
