They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
