I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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