Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
