return my video game
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
