I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
