So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
