My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
