Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
