If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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