I molested 6 butterflies tonight
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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