Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
