His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
