It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
