I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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