and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
