i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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