My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
