It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
