this just has baby written all over it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
