i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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