they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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