in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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