Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
