I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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