so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
