U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
