i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
