I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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