Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
