she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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