Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
