Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
