I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
