In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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