I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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