I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
