i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
