Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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