you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
