And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
